“Describe a garment you would like to wear that would give you power.”
Long ago, a handsome man got down on one knee and opened a small, velvet box. The box contained a small diamond ring, three glittering jewels; two smaller diamonds set on the side of the larger one in the center with even smaller diamonds running the length of the white gold band on each side. It was breathtaking, perfection made into something so small. He told me he loved me, he never knew what it would do to me as he slid the ring onto my finger.
That man is long gone now, lost within the years. I stood along the ridge of the cliff and peered across it’s vastness. I can see the other side, I can see the river down below. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to just step off the side and feel the air rush past me, whipping my hair back, being set free. The power within my ring will not let me go.
The magic was said to have come from the earth in which it was created and the blood of man dying to mine it. Sacrifice after sacrifice. The people stopped caring about the earth and those same people stopped caring about each other. Now I get to watch them all die.
“What stories do you tell through your attire? Are those stories true?”
The first moment that I start to wake, it’s usually because my fingers are numb. The baby sleeps in the crook of my arm all night and his head is heavier than you’d expect. I push down into the mattress and drag my arm out from under him and make my way out of the room. I avoid the creaking boards as I walk by Chase’s room and I look in the mirror.
I am tired. This is most definitely true.
I check my face for signs of sleep, brush my teeth, fix my hair back into a bun on the top of my head and then get him ready for school. I know I’ll be dropping him off so I’m not scared about what I look like. No one will see the fact that I don’t have socks on and it’s freezing temperatures outside, or that my hoodie I threw on has stains from doing the dishes last night.
I just can’t find the energy to care.
Some days I go to the grocery stores, I do try and at least wear clean clothes there. Most of the ladies know me and have seen me come in after dropping Chase and have watched Xander grow – they know he doesn’t sleep.
They know… they know I am so tired.
I go home and stay in the same clothes. I wait for my husband to get home and then sneak into the shower. I am renewed. The hot water scalds my scalp as I scrub with shampoo. I drag the razor along my skin in efforts to feel like I actually care about what I look like. I get out, I dry off, I twist my hair a top knot so that by the time it dries, it falls in loose waves.
That makes me feel beautiful.
I put on some new leggings, fresh underwear and a bra, a new shirt… depending on the weather, maybe a sweatshirt. It feels so good. I love the way that I feel. I love the confidence even a simple shower gives me. I tell myself that I’ll do this every day even though I know in the back of my mind that I won’t. It’ll be days of slow deterioration with my hygiene before I get the energy to shower again. It’s hard to be truthful about it. You’d think it’d be easy to hop into the shower every single day and feel this good about yourself but time slips away in the rush of having a family.
I slip away.
“How do you choose to ornament yourself? Does it change from day to day?”
When I think about this prompt, I think about my wedding rings. It’s the only thing I wear daily to ornament myself and set myself apart and it never changes. Getting married to my best friend is one of the best decisions I ever made. The rings hold such a special meaning. Not because they are gold with diamonds, but because of what they represent. The represent being bonded with another soul, being a part of a family, showing the world that I have another half. Being married is hard, as are many things in life, but I wouldn’t want to go through the motions with anyone other than Chuck. He is truly my soulmate, if those exist. He is always there for me, I have never once doubted his love for me even on my worst days. I am so excited to spend the rest of my life with him.
Speaking of family, I took a few days off from the blog and most of the social media to focus more on my family over the weekend and during my eldest’s spring break. I also wanted to focus on reading a few books I’ve needed to read and review. You can check out my micro update of Mistborn here. I am going to start Wicked Saints and The Fever King soon!
“Around the thick fur of his ruff he wore a lariat of gold and rubies, and the twisting horns that rose from his head were marked with ridges that glowed as if lit from within by a secret fire.”
The Language of Thorns is one of my favorite companion books. There are a lot of mixed reviews on whether or not people enjoyed the story but I did! I loved getting little glimpses into the Grishaverse even if it’s through the guise of folklore. I loved the rich stories that weave into the other books and the beautiful illustrations. I think I appreciated it more for what it was rather than judging purely on the contents.
This prompt makes me feel like it’s Nikolai Lantsov turned beast, like a Beauty and the Beast retelling. Fancy clothes, golds and jewels, and that secret fire set in his eyes.I don’t read many retellings knowingly, but I am excited to read A Curse so Dark and Lonely by Brigid Kemmerer. I might knock that out this weekend!
Do you like retellings?
I bought Leigh Bardugo’s magical inspiration journal knowing that I’d never write in it. I have anxiety writing in things like that, hell I photo copy coloring pages so I can do them again! So I decided to do my journaling in this blog and will put them in their own category so I can easily find them! Some of the blogs will be a story associated with the prompt, some will be my thoughts, maybe it’ll be a blog on something that I’m inspired by, etc! I’m just going to have fun! I figured what better to start a year long journal than to start on your birthday!
Day 1 – “We learn to hold our heads as if we wear crowns. We learn to wring magic from the ordinary.”
Today is my birthday and I feel like I’m wearing a crown! I’ve received so much love from the bookish community, my Instagram is full of people who love and support me and I just can’t thank them enough. I honestly wasn’t sure how I would feel waking up to being 31; however, I didn’t have to wake up to being 31 because I was so deep into reading Mistborn: The Well of Ascension that it was 1:30AM by the time I realized that I should probably go to bed. The magic system of Mistborn is so unique and the universe is unlike anything I’ve ever read. I am hoping to get the UK paperback editions of Mistborn era 1 and era 2 soon! I know that it’s going to be one of my favorites and I’m only halfway through tWoA!
Learning to wring magic from the ordinary is something I struggle with. Often I find myself lost in my negative feelings. Sometimes I have to take a step back and understand that magic is all around me. Simple things like a good book, a sunny day, cooking delicious food, my kids being healthy… I need to appreciate the magic from my family most of all; love. Loving and being loved are such special experiencing. You don’t know what life truly is until you’ve loved something with your whole being.